Gratitude

I always knew that having children would change my life. There would be extra mouths to feed, poopy diapers to change, scraped knees to kiss, more clothes to wash, and toys to buy. But I knew I could handle all that -- how hard is it to buy an extra gallon of milk or fold one more load of towels?? The change that I wasn't prepared for was the influence that these small young babies would have on me.

E (3 weeks old)

I always wanted to be a mother. I watched my mom as she would bring home new babies and I just remember loving them. I loved their tiny features and sweet spirits. So I was ecstatic when Jared and I brought home our baby E. I felt lucky to have a hard-working husband, which allowed me to stay home and raise this baby. I remember "ooohing" and "ahhhing" over every little thing he did, feeling so  blessed to be in that moment. I remember times where I would cuddle with him and watch as he stared at the ceiling, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was glimpsing into heaven. The thickness of the Spirit in the room was overwhelming. We had been entrusted with this baby; to raise him and love him and help him. What a daunting, yet fulfilling task we had ahead! Now he is almost 3, and I can't believe how fast time goes.

K (1 week old)

And now as I sit here typing, I stare into the sleepy eyes of our newest addition. Thinking back on all those moments with E, I am now experiencing them all over again -- the "ooohs" and "ahhhs", the gratitude I feel for being a mother, and the occasional glimpses into heaven. Tears stream down my cheeks as I thank my Father in Heaven for these 2 precious boys and pray that I can only grow to be the mother that they need. And while MOST days with an almost-three year old can be taxing and some days I look back on the day and think, "That was a TOTAL fail" -- I am grateful to have these moments to remember and when I sneak in at night and watch my sweet babies sleeping, I am filled with an increased desire to do better, to try harder, and to LOVE MORE.